Non-Verbal Cues to Communicate the Hope for Sex to Your Partner

It’s no secret that our current digital world has hindered our face-to-face communication skills. This is especially true if you have something more risky to say.

However, the person you’re dating shouldn’t be a part of the talking-fear syndrome. Communication is KEY when it comes to successful relationships.

Having said that, I think we can agree that when it comes to sex, there are so many ways to initiate the activity — some good ways and some not so good. But there aren’t a whole lot of ways to “ask” if sex should be a possible activity that can be enjoyed at the moment.

So I’ve tried coming up with non-verbal hints to subtly toss at your partner when the talking-fear syndrome hits but you want sexy time.

Sleep on their side of the bed

It’s an automatic response when having to share your bed with your partner — which side of the bed belongs to who.

Whatever your criteria is — side with the window, side with the dip, the one closest to the door so in case of emergency you can run out — you pick the side that makes you feel comfortable, whichever helps you sleep at night.

So what better way to communicate the want for sex than to lay your body (exposed optional) where they lay theirs? Sometimes I’ll even try to cover both sides so that they (only one person, same person every time) HAVE to lay on me.

This move has successfully communicated my intentions approximately two out of ten times. The other eight times he thinks I’m just trying to be annoying. No worries, however, there’s more hints to give out.

Wag your feet in pleasure

Dogs wag their tails when they’re excited or enjoying something and cease to wag for everything else. It’s a game of hot and cold.

This can be effective for humans too, except instead of wagging your non-existent tail, you’ll wag your feet.

Try this one when things are calm. Movie nights. Cooking. Worrying about bills over the kitchen table. Give a little wag when they hold your hand, caress your cheek or even look at you with ‘those’ eyes.

I’ll admit, it might take a while to train your partner to understand the cues. But good things come to those who wait, so remember to be patient, supportive and rewarding of progress.

Taking the Bible off the nightstand

Before explaining this one I want to clarify a few things.

First, putting the Bible out of sight DOES NOT keep God from seeing what you’re doing. It’s kind of like putting your browser in Incognito Mode, the FBI agent in your screen can still see what you’re doing online.

Second, you don’t have to be religious to use this tactic. If you’re not religious, using this technique can add a little humor to the situation about to take place.

Lastly, the Bible can be switched out with any respected book such as the Torah, Quran, AP Stylebook (current year edition only), vegan recipe book, Green Eggs and Ham, etc.

So there’s really only one issue with this one and that’s if you don’t already have your choice of book on the nightstand. Pre-prep by placing said book on the night stand ahead of time.

The move is, right before turning the lights off, with excess obviousness, place the book in a drawer or under the bed and be sure to make eye contact with your partner.

If, and only if, your partner asks any questions, try to answer with something along the lines of, “don’t wanna make anyone watching uncomfortable.”

Wear Their Clothes

And the final piece of advice. This one is great as long as you make them take the clothes off of you.

In order for this one to work, however, you’ll have to wear something that’ll, for whatever reason, make them want to desperately undress you.

An example of the type of clothes is wearing their underwear all over you — on your head, as a shirt, as your own underwear, etc. Another example can be wearing their favorite t-shirt or dress, they might be afraid you’ll ruin it so they’ll try to take it off of you.

Final Words

There you have it. These are my non-verbal cues for letting your partner know you want to do the nasty without actually saying it.

These are supposed to be fun and cute and for those who are afraid of talking face-to-face. Don’t be afraid to add your own twist, get creative and experimental.

And last words — consent is a part of healthy and enjoyable sex.

Disclaimer: I am not a professional sexologist but more of an enthusiastic participant in the activity that is enjoyed by many around the world. My techniques are from my own experience and should not be substitutes for professional advice or medical attention.

Impractical Stress Relievers

There’s three things that are promised to you at birth — death, taxes and stress.

Stress follows us throughout our lives. As babies we stressed about food. As kids we stressed about school. As teens we stressed about hormones. And as adults we stress about literally everything that happens in our day-to-day lives.

There’s countless links that Google brought up when I searched how to handle stress. Like a normal person I only looked at the first five and then gave up.

A lot of them had the same tips: take a break, don’t drink coffee, declutter workspace—tips that’ll eventually help you tackle whatever task you’re working on. All of these tips are great, they’re practical for helping you get the job done.

But, like most helpful things in life, they’re boring. I can’t imagine writing a 100-page essay on the cultural impact the discovery of dinosaurs brought during the 1800s — actually that kind of sounds fun — and then during my stress I “take a break” to de-stress.

What do I do during that break? Google offered more links with tips: take a walk, stretch, small nap, etc. Honestly that’ll stress me out more.

When I’m trying to de-stress I’m trying to do something that’ll take my mind off of whatever is stressing me out. I have to do a smaller task that is more enjoyable.

So I came up with this list of activities to do to help you relieve you stress. I’m not saying this will help finish your task or remove your stress until you finish the task — all I’m saying is these tasks will remove your immediate stress.

Scenarios

This is what people do after they’ve had an argument or a fight, once they’re calm and the situation is over they re-live the moment and come up with better things that could’ve been said.

Sometimes I did this when I had to tell my parents something bad and as I waited for them to come home I’d imagine a best-case-scenario to help me calm down.

Young Tony at any grade-level: Mother, Father, I have bad news. This past test I have received a regrettable F marking.

Parents in my head: Oh honey, that’s alright. Your entire life isn’t determined by this one grade.

Parents in real life: Who gets an F in art? Now not even a community college will accept you.

The scenarios in my head didn’t help with actually facing my parents but at least I had a nice calm before the storm for that hour and a half I waited for my parents to come home.

So make scenarios in your head. Get imaginative, too. Sometimes I imagine I have telekinesis and I could’ve used that to lift a heavy box rather than waiting for my coworker to help.

Sex and Masturbating

Here’s a truly fun one. A quick Google search shows that chemicals in the brain are released during sex and can help relieve stress when they’re combined.

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If possible, take a break to do one of these (or both, whatever) so that the immediate stress goes away. Again, it won’t help you tackle the problem at hand, most likely, but at least you’ll come back with some dopamine in your system.

And a small bit of advice I once read, if your sex life consists of self-servicing, then make it the greatest thing ever. Sensuality doesn’t HAVE to be with a partner. Treat yourself, get comfortable, relax.

Pets and Plants

Truly, my absolute second favorite on this list. I have two guinea pigs and a turtle that I love so much. These guys bring so much stress in my life, it’s insane. (Yes, you read that correctly.)

Ophelia (Ophie)

I’ll be having a great morning but once it’s time to feed, these animals are barbaric. It’s stressful.

But let’s say I’m on page 47 on my dinosaur essay and I’m super stressed, I have a thought block and the first two things on this list aren’t helping, I then move on to my pets.

Goliath

No matter how they’re acting, they always cheer me up when I’m stressed. All of the things that normally annoy me about them becomes the cutest thing ever: oinking for food, biting my fingers, pooping on the bed. All of that is better than this gosh-darn essay.

Cleopatra (Cleo)

For those of you who don’t have pets, or your pets just stress you out, try plants. I water and caress my mint plant that sits on my windowsill every morning. Seeing him perk up is such a delight. And when I’m a little stress I’ll shake his leaves so the mint smell can fill the room.

Pets and plants were given to us by God to take care of but honestly they seem to be taking care of me.

6-Hour Nap

There’s very few things in my life I say I love, so I don’t say this lightly, but I LOVE taking naps. The longer the better. There is nothing better to do after a shift at work than to take a nap.

And it can’t just be a regular nap where you sleep on whatever your head lands on. These naps need to be a pre-sleep. That means I put my jammies on, close the curtains, set an alarm, put on my ear-muffs and ride the train to snoozeville.

Why six hours? Because the more hours you sleep the longer it takes you to remember why you were stressed when you wake up.

And when I do wake up it’s for one to two hours, the most. Then I get ready for my full on sleep, ‘cause you know, I need to be sure I’m fully rested for the next day.

Rearranging Rooms

Another fun one. I enjoy doing this one around midnight because it gives me a rush. I’ll sit down and draw up a blueprint. Make sure everything is measured. And then I get to work.

If you’re a normal person who took a six-hour nap during the day then you might need an activity to do since you can’t go back to sleep, this is what you do.

A tip from a Google link mentioned decluttering your workspace to relieve stress. This is a slightly different version of that.

It’ll relieve you from whatever stress you had by giving you the stress of rearranging your room. That might not sound ideal but at least you’ll know how to relieve this stress.

Go on Pinterest and get some ideas. Get super into it.

If you’re anything like me, then God help you. But head to the dollar store and pick up a few neat things to use as decorations. Unconventional things.

Posters are okay but get some socks with cool designs and pin them to the wall. Buy different colored candle sticks and arrange them in a design. Go crazy.

Water Rinse

Last one for the list. I chose not to call this one “Bath or Shower” because the idea of getting clean with soap is not here. This is about rinsing off the stress through a physical means.

Turn the water on. Maybe get some music going. Nakedness is optional. And just hop in.

The most relaxing thing is holding your head back under the shower head and going through your hair with your fingers.

This will truly relieve your immediate stress. And you can even incorporate one or two other things that are on this list with this one. I’ll leave it up to you to pick which ones.

But massage your scalp. Let the worries of the world fall down the drain.

To Finish

Again, none of these will help you with finishing whatever is giving you stress. Some of these might even make you go backwards in steps to completing the task at hand. But they’re all fun. You can enjoy them.

Take a few minutes of personal guilty pleasure time for yourself. Working hard is important and necessary in life to succeed but success can happen at any stage in your life. The same can be said for fun, you can have fun anytime in your life. So why not interweave fun with hard work?

Summer Bucket List with A Realistic Expectation

I’ve spent the last ten minutes trying to best articulate the analogy of summer coming and going like sunsets, but then I realized it was keeping me from writing.

Procrastination is a sneaky son-of-bitch.

But anyway, without fail, every May I make plans for summer — go on adventures, tan, fall in love with the perfect reading position — and every September sneaks up on me like procrastination does and I haven’t done a single thing on my summer bucket-list.

Well this year I’m certain things won’t change and next fall I’ll be just as disappointed.

Being a part-time employee in the entertainment industry — I don’t mean working in films but instead working at a theme park — means my job schedules me all summer so that other people can enjoy their summer break at the park.

I know it may seem like I’m complaining but that’s because I am. However, that doesn’t mean I’m not grateful for the opportunities I’m offered to make money. (This sentence is for my current and future employers.)

This year, however, things will not change, so I am continuing the tradition of making a bucket list that will not see the light of day. It’s not to be pessimistic but instead not getting my hopes up so that I am not disappointed in myself.

Here goes:

Stargazing

Earlier this month I was driving down the highway when I saw a white streak (n) streak (v) across the night sky. My first thought was it was a shooting star, which was weird because up to that point in my life I had never seen a shooting star. My second thought was that it was a UFO — alien related — because I had recently seen a documentary on alien UFO’s and perhaps I finally witnessed one.

My final assumption was that it was a UFO — a flying object I couldn’t identify — since multiple possibilities arose.

I did some researching — googled and clicked on the first link — and learned that shooting stars are common to see. Which I thought was weird since, like I said, I’ve never seen one before that night.

I figured stargazing would be interesting to do. I work in Griffith Park so spending the night there seems like a possible place. Or at the beach. Or maybe even in the mountains. Who knows, I might even see a UFO — alien.

Tea Party

I know this one may sound weird, specially coming from a 22 year old guy, but if it’s any consolation I am VERY young at heart and gay. Actually reading that out loud sounds kind of worse.

The tea party I’m thinking about has a more mature theme to it. Instead of nonsense songs and a crazy tailor I want a more relaxed ambience. A couple friends at a Starbucks with some pastries from a grocery store sounds more accurate to what I’m thinking.

Maybe I could even make it a book club kind of gathering. It’ll be a hipster version of Marie Antoinette’s lifestyle.

Drama, Drama, Drama

What’s summer without a little sunburn? By summer I mean our youth. And by sunburn I mean the sweet knowledge of gossip manifesting itself from tension to a confrontational bitch-slap. Because life is like surfing — if the tide is ripping and rolling you, then you’re having fun.

Is surfing like that? Not that it really matters but it isn’t on my bucket list so I might never try it.

But maybe just some excitement. Life changing arguments. Friends at each other’s throats. I want my best friend to use my secrets against me in front of others outside of a bowling alley right before our legendary showdown. And then maybe we’ll make up and be even closer than before.

Or maybe my pet turtle will finally tell me I’m bad at singing.

To Conclude

Summer is on it’s way like one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse ready to slay another chance at fun. I’ll be waiting, wine glass in hand, for our brunch date. And when September sneaks up behind me and delivers its confrontational bitch-slap, I’ll tell it all about the gossip I overheard from other people’s summer.

3 Things To Do to Make Me an Adult

All my life I’ve been the same kind of person — a prisoner of routine. I’m not sure if it’s because I don’t like to give much thought to the mundane chores of every day life but it’s definitely become a problem.

Lately I’ve been in a depressive mood and I think it’s because I let my life become very passive. The simplest things used to excite me. Now, I can’t enjoy just anything like when I was younger.

Is this what growing up feels like? I think so.

I have decided it’s time to actively change up my life. Here are the changes I plan to introduce into my life to help kickstart my adulthood-ness:

First, Start Drinking Coffee

Coffee has two things going against me: it’s a laxative for me and it doesn’t give me that energy that people says it offers. But every one— friends, family, coworkers, college students in real life and in movies — swear by the elixir.

I’ve come to the realization that in order to be a better contributor to society I will need to start drinking coffee as if my adult life depended on it. Lucky for me I have access to a Keurig machine so it won’t be such an imposition to make a cup every morning.

Second, Getting Up at 6:30 In the Morning

I put ‘Getting Up’ instead of ‘Waking Up’ because I already wake up at six in the morning but I lay there for 45 minutes stretching and going through my phone. It doesn’t get me ready for the day but it helps me wake up. I think it’d be best to actually get up and do something productive.

Alternative things that can help me get ready for the day are listed:

  • feeding my pets (guinea pigs and turtle)
  • extreme stretches, yoga
  • breakfast, coffee!
  • Bible study, tarot card reading for the day

Third, Balancing a Checkbook

It’s been said time after time again: high school teaches us the Pythagorean theorem but doesn’t teach us something actually useful in every day life, such as balancing a checkbook.

I’m going to be upfront about it, I don’t actually know what that means —  thanks, high school diploma — but I’m sure it has to do with keeping finances in order.

Money has been tight so I’ve decided to do a version of that: I’ll be taking note of every dollar I spend that isn’t spent on my bills. This will hopefully show me where I need to start allocating my money. And by that I mean where I have to stop spending money.

In Conclusion

Another applause for my high school diploma for teaching me to end my writing assignments with ‘In conclusion,’ because that’s the way professionals do it.

But hopefully adding these three things to my life will help improve my state of mind, mood and maturity. I’ll post an update in a week or so about what how things are going.

Second-Guessing Myself

Have you ever suddenly stopped and re-evalted yourself? Like everything seems fine but then clutter begins to set in.

My boyfriend has this desk in our room, it’s by the entrance. Whenever we come home we empty out our pockets and dump everything on the desk. About every other weekend I clean our room and clear the desk of EVERYTHING that doesn’t belong on it. And in a couple hours it’s cluttered again.

That’s how I’ve been feeling about my blog. I think I’ve been doing too much in an unorganized way that I sort of feel all over the place — unfinished projects here, ideas that need more planning over there — I need to reorganize things. But I can’t just stop and fix things. I need to find a proper solution so that this fix won’t be like the desk.

So I’ve been thinking of what are some things I need to do. Here’s a chronicle list:

  1. Halt all content on blog and affiliated media (Instagram)
  2. Reconsider what the purpose of this blog is
  3. Prioritize projects
  4. Re-systemize blog menu
  5. Content control
  6. Relaunch site

Here’s what I’ll be working on for a couple days.

Inspiration for Stickers

A coworker of mine mentioned the other day that I should make stickers of some of my icons. Not all of my icons are sticker material but I think I can make some of them into cute stickers.

I’ve used OnlineLabels to print out some labels when I had an Etsy shop a year ago and they’re were super inexpensive. They also allowed me to purchase one sheet of labels for about a dollar and twenty-five cents, rather than having to buy in bulk.

But of course, being me, I’m thinking of the purpose these stickers would have since they would cost money to make. Is it worth it?

I took my favorite icon and added ‘Pennypress.blog’ to it so there’s a bit of marketing in it. Quick design. I think in the future I’ll work on better stickers but for the purpose of actually doing something now I’ll go with this.

The Other Kinds of Instagram Accounts

As much as I enjoy following friends and family on Instagram, I’d rather follow blog or theme accounts because the content has more quality.

I have two accounts, my personal account and my blog account.

On my personal account’s feed there’s a bunch of selfies, food with bad lighting and Facebook status screenshots with Instagram’s ‘Toaster’ filter. I can only see so many photos like that before I start unfollowing people. (Kidding, people can post whatever they want.)

But sometimes I want to see something interesting. By interesting I mean something that is nice to look at, or educational (DIY tips, etc.) or even updates on some’s progress (big projects or traveling adventures).

I’m gonna coin the term substantial scrolling, and it means that when you scroll down through your social media you’re seeing quality content that benefits you in one way or another.

Because, like I said, I love my friends and family, but seeing their photos of updates on their normal, every day lives can be boring. I can see that on Facebook.

Twitter is where I’m a bit more rebellious. I get my news from there for multiple things like government news, entertainment and some feel-good stories.

But because Instagram is photo-focused it gives leverage to a photojournalist take on things. Pictures are worth a thousand words, right? Imagine how much easier it is to show a picture of how to bind a book rather than just explaining it in words.

When I made my blog account on Instagram I decided I wasn’t really going to follow my friends and family. I wanted to follow accounts that offered something substantial. Or just accounts that entertain me.

I’m obsessed with those slime videos so I follow a few accounts about that. I enjoy close-up magic and card tricks so I followed some of those accounts. As a designer I’m always looking for inspiration so I found some design accounts for logos, illustrations, etc.

And to help me improve my drawing skills I followed a few accounts that show how to draw things, how to quickly sketch people, or this cool one where they crumble up paper and then use the shadows to draw faces.

Other kinds of accounts I follow are theme accounts. One of my favorite theme accounts is one dedicated to hidden Mickeys and Disneyland secrets. Another favorite is an account that posts real life murder mysteries, I enjoy the thrill.

I think everyone should follow accounts like these. There’s more meaning, I think, rather than just seeing your friends doing nothing actually interesting.

I have a friend who has two Twitter accounts. His second one is a funny account, Spamtire, that he uses anonymously. His second account is more entertaining. That’s an example for interesting Twitter accounts.

So I’ve been thinking of some cool theme accounts I could do just for fun. Another light side project.

Here’s a few ideas:

  • Food that fell on the floor (it’ll serve as a social commentary for how wasteful we are)
  • Any media in which a fish is portrayed (poster, sign, logo)
  • Typography photography (photos of nice typography I see out in the streets)
  • Graphic design photography (photos of great graphic design stuff I come across [no online stuff, all actual photos])
  • Street fashion (cool outfits people wear [don’t know about this one because I’m a little shy when it comes to talking to people on the streets])
  • Witchy theme (a favorite hobby/lifestyle I have is my interest in the occult so a blog dedicated to that might be fun)
  • An Instagram version similar to what The Onion does

So I’ll think about it and see what I can commit to. Obviously i need to have passion for whatever topic i choose. The purpose of a project like this is to be able to experiment with the opportunities the internet has to offer. In the end, the least you could gain would be learning something new.