It’s no secret that our current digital world has hindered our face-to-face communication skills. This is especially true if you have something more risky to say.
However, the person you’re dating shouldn’t be a part of the talking-fear syndrome. Communication is KEY when it comes to successful relationships.
Having said that, I think we can agree that when it comes to sex, there are so many ways to initiate the activity — some good ways and some not so good. But there aren’t a whole lot of ways to “ask” if sex should be a possible activity that can be enjoyed at the moment.
So I’ve tried coming up with non-verbal hints to subtly toss at your partner when the talking-fear syndrome hits but you want sexy time.
Sleep on their side of the bed
It’s an automatic response when having to share your bed with your partner — which side of the bed belongs to who.
Whatever your criteria is — side with the window, side with the dip, the one closest to the door so in case of emergency you can run out — you pick the side that makes you feel comfortable, whichever helps you sleep at night.
So what better way to communicate the want for sex than to lay your body (exposed optional) where they lay theirs? Sometimes I’ll even try to cover both sides so that they (only one person, same person every time) HAVE to lay on me.
This move has successfully communicated my intentions approximately two out of ten times. The other eight times he thinks I’m just trying to be annoying. No worries, however, there’s more hints to give out.
Wag your feet in pleasure
Dogs wag their tails when they’re excited or enjoying something and cease to wag for everything else. It’s a game of hot and cold.
This can be effective for humans too, except instead of wagging your non-existent tail, you’ll wag your feet.
Try this one when things are calm. Movie nights. Cooking. Worrying about bills over the kitchen table. Give a little wag when they hold your hand, caress your cheek or even look at you with ‘those’ eyes.
I’ll admit, it might take a while to train your partner to understand the cues. But good things come to those who wait, so remember to be patient, supportive and rewarding of progress.
Taking the Bible off the nightstand
Before explaining this one I want to clarify a few things.
First, putting the Bible out of sight DOES NOT keep God from seeing what you’re doing. It’s kind of like putting your browser in Incognito Mode, the FBI agent in your screen can still see what you’re doing online.
Second, you don’t have to be religious to use this tactic. If you’re not religious, using this technique can add a little humor to the situation about to take place.
Lastly, the Bible can be switched out with any respected book such as the Torah, Quran, AP Stylebook (current year edition only), vegan recipe book, Green Eggs and Ham, etc.
So there’s really only one issue with this one and that’s if you don’t already have your choice of book on the nightstand. Pre-prep by placing said book on the night stand ahead of time.
The move is, right before turning the lights off, with excess obviousness, place the book in a drawer or under the bed and be sure to make eye contact with your partner.
If, and only if, your partner asks any questions, try to answer with something along the lines of, “don’t wanna make anyone watching uncomfortable.”
Wear Their Clothes
And the final piece of advice. This one is great as long as you make them take the clothes off of you.
In order for this one to work, however, you’ll have to wear something that’ll, for whatever reason, make them want to desperately undress you.
An example of the type of clothes is wearing their underwear all over you — on your head, as a shirt, as your own underwear, etc. Another example can be wearing their favorite t-shirt or dress, they might be afraid you’ll ruin it so they’ll try to take it off of you.
There you have it. These are my non-verbal cues for letting your partner know you want to do the nasty without actually saying it.
These are supposed to be fun and cute and for those who are afraid of talking face-to-face. Don’t be afraid to add your own twist, get creative and experimental.
And last words — consent is a part of healthy and enjoyable sex.
Disclaimer: I am not a professional sexologist but more of an enthusiastic participant in the activity that is enjoyed by many around the world. My techniques are from my own experience and should not be substitutes for professional advice or medical attention.